the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
