hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
lol hangovers are for mortals.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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