can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Never let your siblings swipe right.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
