You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
