no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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