I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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