Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
