Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
worst night to have a conscience
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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