ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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