i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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