Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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