I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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