I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
