I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
