so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
