Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
