I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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