I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
