I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It's never too late to be topless.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
