My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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