There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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