I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We left the knife in your bed.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
