One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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