I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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