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I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize