is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
smell my finger.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
