I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
