I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
