I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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