***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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