i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I need help removing her.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
