She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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