how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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