I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
