I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
