Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
