I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
