Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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