You're my little dorito
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I AM VODKA MAN
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
