i jhust puked up my retainher.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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