Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
