I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
