a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
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Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
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Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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