You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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