My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
