I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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