tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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