Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
wow bdsm is so cute
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
