my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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