i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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