you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
