Come see our sink grown plant.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
