grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
dude i'm inner monologue high
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
