Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
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