We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
