Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
