just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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