nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
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