In the future we'll all be gay
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
