How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
