I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
