i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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