Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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