Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
