Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
