matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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