I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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